A Tribute To My Mom On Her Birthday
I am going to take a break from my "twin journey" today to write about something that shaped my view of the world.
When I was 16 my mom passed away. She was 44 years old and a mother of 3. She passed away from breast cancer. Over the years her passing has put a filter on my views of life. When ever I am angry or upset with someone I know that time is something we never get back. So I simply get over it. If I am feeling a certain way that is not positive I quickly filter the moment and I can come back to recognizing the beautiful life I have.
Yet, when I found out I was having the boys I knew that it would be hard to not have her here for it all. Your mother is someone who has "been there and seen that". She is the person who comforts you as you wade through the many unknowns of motherhood. For me I had really no friends who had babies and my sisters didn't have babies yet so I had really no one to turn to. It was an interesting time in my life. I knew that I could handle twins. I really never questioned my ability to nurture two babies on my own. Yet I found myself yearning for my mom to stay over my house the first few nights I brought the boys home. I wanted her to tell me how great I was doing and I to know that even though I could do it without her, I would never need to.
Yet, the reality of it was that I did need to navigate motherhood without her and it is often a gut wrenching thought. She will not be here when the boys turn one. She will not be the one I call when they take their first steps. She will not be here when one of them has a fever or falls and scrapes his knee. I will forever be envious of my friends who have mothers who they know they can call about anything.
To now know what she went through as a mom and to never be able to tell her, "I get it now" is something that saddens me. As a child you never can truly appreciate your mom. You may love her and do anything for her but it is when you become a mom for yourself that you truly "get it".
I will also never be able to tell her thank you. She let me do things that typical kids my age were not doing. She would make sure I was out the door at 6 am so I could be at my horse back riding lesson on time. She allowed me to pursue my love of volunteering by driving me to various events where I could help others. She never questioned why I wasn't the best at sports and she never scolded me to being a horrific speller. She just accepted me for who she knew I was.
Being a mom now I know how hard it must have been raising three girls. I know that we were not always easy but we are overall good people and full of kindness. A large part of that is because of her and I hope I can give that to my boys as they grow. I want them to know they are accepted and that kindness is valued above all else.
Mothering without a mother is something that frightens me but I know without a doubt she has my back. Throughout all the doctors visits I knew that everything would happen the way it was supposed to. She is watching over my boys and although I may not have her here with me I know they have her watching over them everyday and that is enough for me.
When I was 16 my mom passed away. She was 44 years old and a mother of 3. She passed away from breast cancer. Over the years her passing has put a filter on my views of life. When ever I am angry or upset with someone I know that time is something we never get back. So I simply get over it. If I am feeling a certain way that is not positive I quickly filter the moment and I can come back to recognizing the beautiful life I have.
Yet, when I found out I was having the boys I knew that it would be hard to not have her here for it all. Your mother is someone who has "been there and seen that". She is the person who comforts you as you wade through the many unknowns of motherhood. For me I had really no friends who had babies and my sisters didn't have babies yet so I had really no one to turn to. It was an interesting time in my life. I knew that I could handle twins. I really never questioned my ability to nurture two babies on my own. Yet I found myself yearning for my mom to stay over my house the first few nights I brought the boys home. I wanted her to tell me how great I was doing and I to know that even though I could do it without her, I would never need to.
Yet, the reality of it was that I did need to navigate motherhood without her and it is often a gut wrenching thought. She will not be here when the boys turn one. She will not be the one I call when they take their first steps. She will not be here when one of them has a fever or falls and scrapes his knee. I will forever be envious of my friends who have mothers who they know they can call about anything.
To now know what she went through as a mom and to never be able to tell her, "I get it now" is something that saddens me. As a child you never can truly appreciate your mom. You may love her and do anything for her but it is when you become a mom for yourself that you truly "get it".
I will also never be able to tell her thank you. She let me do things that typical kids my age were not doing. She would make sure I was out the door at 6 am so I could be at my horse back riding lesson on time. She allowed me to pursue my love of volunteering by driving me to various events where I could help others. She never questioned why I wasn't the best at sports and she never scolded me to being a horrific speller. She just accepted me for who she knew I was.
Being a mom now I know how hard it must have been raising three girls. I know that we were not always easy but we are overall good people and full of kindness. A large part of that is because of her and I hope I can give that to my boys as they grow. I want them to know they are accepted and that kindness is valued above all else.
Mothering without a mother is something that frightens me but I know without a doubt she has my back. Throughout all the doctors visits I knew that everything would happen the way it was supposed to. She is watching over my boys and although I may not have her here with me I know they have her watching over them everyday and that is enough for me.
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